Finding Healing

Healing begins by letting go of the past and not letting anyone stiffle your dreams. Realizing your own potential and reaching for it.  The song "Broken Wing" makes me feel empowered and confident that I can do anything with a bit of effort on my part.

Never dwell on what you don't have but be grateful for the good things in your life.  Consider the people in your life a blessing, those that support and encourage you and those that don't or can't.  For those are the people who might need your support and encouragement.  Always pay it forward in doing that all will receive a blessing.

Smoking

I admit I'm an addict

trying to quit again, maybe 3's a charm

I know my stressors, need to be in the right frame of mind

to actually quit though and I'm not quite there yet

I'm smoking my 2nd cig of the day as I type this because in my addictive mind it helps me think

I threw out all my ashtrays, lighters, matches, etc. the last time I quit

using an ashtray made of crystal that previously served as a very pretty paper weight

It's made so when you lay the butt down, the dome shape keeps the smoke inside

and doesn't fill the air with smoke

Which is nice cause I can hardly stand to smell it myself

Remembering how my house smelled when I returned home yesterday

I could list all my stresses but my intellectual mind tells me they are not the reason

their just excuses 

While looking at this disgusting ashtray, I'm seeing the nicotine accumulating

just after using it for a few days

Makes me wonder just what my lungs may look like after 47 years

Whew..that's an eye opener, I suppose now I'm trying to scare myself into quiting

Just a thought because I can't scare myself enough to quit

Quiting is going to have to be an intellectual chose, that I make

It's even occurred to me that I might have a death wish

I say might because I don't want to die, who wants to die

I  always say I'm not afraid of death but then I've never been faced with it yet

What scares me more than death is being in pain and suffering in front of my family

 and people I love who love me

I never had luck trying to quit for me

but when I think about Kayla and Jared and how much I love them

and want so badly to be there for them as long as is reasonably possible

that really strikes a cord in me that I have a difficult time explaining

 in words without crying

In saying that I'm getting up right now and taking that filthy disgusting ash tray to the kitchen

where later I'll clean it up and it'll sit on my desk again as a paper weight

which is what it was intended for

I realize what I should do right now

is take the partial pack of cigs and tear them or cut them to shreds and toss them

but that damn nicodemon is sitting on my left shoulder

After typing all that I've decided I must go back to 'smoking cessation'

and get involved again which I just did!!  LOL,

Golly, no wonder writers/authors go to the country for months or years

to be alone with their thoughts

I love to write/ blog

it really puts things into perspective for me

and THANK GOD FOR SPELL CHECK!  LOL!

Amazing how good it feels just to make a contructive decision

Hey, it's a start, day by day, hour by hour

whatever it takes